


never the time.

by archer_and_moon



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Before The Disc War, Child Neglect, Depression, Exile!TommyInnit, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Hair-pulling, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Just A Roleplay, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Suicide, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Panic Attack, Roleplay Not Actual People, Self-Deprecating, The Voices Aren't Nice Nor His Own, Time Travel, Tommy hears voices, oh so much angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:14:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29013381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archer_and_moon/pseuds/archer_and_moon
Summary: He wasn’t supposed to be here.He wasn’t supposed to be here.He wasn’t supposed to be here.He wasn’t supposed to be here.He wasn’t -
Relationships: Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit
Comments: 7
Kudos: 263





	never the time.

**Author's Note:**

> My angst hours hitting a lot more recently. I don't know if that says something about me or my brain but oh well, here's another fic.
> 
> This one was a idea I came up with along with my friend so shoutout to my friend (no not the sheep but please, have some blue anyways).
> 
> Anyways, tws // hair pulling, mental breakdown, mentions of suicide, panic attacks, depression, self-deprecating talks.

“We’ve decided to open our world to more people, does anyone have any suggestions,” Dream asked, looking around the community house where everyone had gathered for the first bimonthy meeting of the land.

Tommy opened his mouth to speak, wanting to recommend Wilbur Soot. His big brother had always been a good companion, able to match Tommy’s methodical madness with ease most of the time (at least when Tommy didn’t press the right buttons to get on his nerves on purpose, which happened during a majority of their interactions. Tommy couldn’t help it, he thought it was funny.) and would bring a variety to the place. More joy and plans for building the place in the right direction.

It helped that Wilbur was one of the very few people Tommy actually respected in life.

Instead of speaking though, Tommy felt dizzy causing him to slowly shut his mouth as his brows furrowed. It felt like his particles were slowly tearing apart to move him to another direction at a rapid speed to make up for the loss of particles but he hadn’t thrown an ender pearl or had a natural ability for the power. 

So why did he feel like he was about to -

Without any warning, the ground below Tommy opened up to show a green portal with purple particles floating about. Tommy fell through the ground as a matching portal - a purple portal with green particles floating about - opened above him. Tommy fell through the portal above and landed on the floor with a rough thud. A grunt escaped his mouth before he instantly snapped to attention like a child being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Tommy looked up, his breath hitching as his eyes instantly widened. Within seconds of his eyes scanning the crowd, Tommy was scrambling backwards until his back hit the wall making him flinch. Tommy pulled his knees to his chest as he gripped the compass in his shaking hand tightly.

Everyone was frozen in shock, staring wide eyed at the child - or who was previously a thirteen year old. Now Tommy had to be at least seventeen or eighteen even if he looked twelve from how he curled in on himself - with dropped jaws. Well, at least the ones with their faces visible. Otherwise it was just their body language that gave away their surprise. 

While they stared in shock, Tommy was panicking. His heart raced, the sound of pumping blood flowing through his ears like a march of a battalion. Steadily marching up his throat and closing it as his breath shortened. Tommy let out quiet gasps of air as his eyes continued to scan the crowd with guarded yet terror filled eyes.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He wasn’t supposed to be here. 

He wasn’t - 

Tommy’s thoughts froze much like his body as his eyes landed on his only friend - or enemy. Were they friends or enemies? Tommy didn’t know, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that his friend - not the sheep - was the only one that visited and he had made him mad. Emotions flooded Tommy’s veins, the confusing mixture not helping the battalion in his chest. 

Panic, anger, dread, joy, acceptance, depression, anxiety, relief. It all blended together in a way that Tommy couldn’t really tell what he was actually feeling, not that he could anyways. His emotions were always a mess.

Tommy swallowed the lump in his throat as an attempt to stop the march from shutting off his oxygen, his greyish blue eyes remained trained on Dream as the man stepped forward making Tommy flinch. Dream only brought his arms up in front of him as a placating manner. Tommy’s arms flew up to cover his face, his eyes retching shut and body tensing as the words flew out of his mouth before Tommy could stop them. 

“I know I’m not supposed to be here, I don’t know how I got here, I’m sorry. Please Dream, I’m sorry, please. Please,” Tommy pleaded, not taking a breath between sentences as he pressed himself closer to the wall to put more distance between the two. 

Dream visibly recoiled at the words, glancing at all of their friends as if to ask if they knew what the hell was happening. A pang of hurt filled Dream’s chest, his brows furrowing under his mask as he wondered what he did that would cause Tommy to react like this. Dream had only been teasing him as of late, nothing ever escalated to the physical level aside from a few joking jabs with their swords. But even then, Tommy had returned the actions. 

It wasn’t like there wasn’t any bad blood between them, right?

Noticing Dream wasn’t going to be moving anytime soon, Tubbo took a small step forward in attempts to comfort his best friend. Instead, all he got was a flinch as his hands tightened around the compass in his hand. Tears welled up in Tubbo’s eyes as he saw the flinch. His best friend was scared of him? No, surely that can’t be it. It’s Tommy and Tubbo till the end, Tommy says it all the time. With that comforting thought in mind, Tubbo swayed slightly on his feet before speaking.

“Tommy, everything alright man,” Tubbo asks awkwardly, unsure of how to react after his best friend flinched at him. What if Tommy didn’t want to be friends anymore? What if this was his way of pushing Tubbo away? What if - Tubbo’s thoughts were cut off by Tommy muttering to himself.

“I broke the rules. I’m sorry, I broke the rules. Please let me come home, I don’t like Logstedshire - I can’t come home, home is Logstedshire why am I not home? Why am I here? I’m not allowed to be here,” Tommy was now just muttering to himself, rocking back and forth while his hands tugged at his blond curls. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt but enough to ground.

“Tommy, you’re allowed to be here,” Sam spoke softly as if to not startle Tommy who just shook his head violently as his rocking increased. Without realizing Tommy slowly descended into a full mental breakdown, words flying from his lips like the tears from his eyes. 

“I burnt down the house, the walls - the walls came back and we couldn’t get out. All my fault. All my fault. You can’t listen Tommy, why can’t you listen? You're the only person who doesn't ever listen to me. You didn't listen to the rules, the rules were simple! Little annoying bug! Brat! Learn to listen!”

People started saying Tommy’s name, trying to break through to the teenager but nothing seems to get through. Tommy was tugging hard enough on his hair that a few strands were starting to come out, his brows contorting in pain but he still didn't stop. Just like the voices of so many people in his head, they just increased in volume. Words flew past his mind, barely comprehending them but only understanding the pain.

“Tommy, you need to calm down,” Sapnap tries to get through to the teen but gets no response other than words. At this point, Tubbo had to leave for the community house. Sam was quick to follow the teenager in order to comfort him, knowing it couldn’t be easy to see his friend in pain like that. Alyssa also followed with Callahan, neither being able to take the suffocating air. This left only Dream, Sapnap, George, Ponk and Bad.

“They’re lying, they're all lying. How stupid are you to believe them? It was never meant to be. The only universal language is violence. You deserve this, you deserve to - it’s never my time to die.”

Tommy’s words cut off with broken sobs as he stopped tugging on his hair. Tommy’s shoulders shook with emotions as he just cried in his corner, having not opened his eyes once as he finally let go of what he’d been carrying around for what seems to be a very, very long time. Too long, in fact.

Heartbroken looks appeared on everyone’s face as they realized the implicates of his words, well at least the ones with visible faces. The masked people in the community house only showed their heartbreak through body language, slumped shoulders and tense muscles. 

What had happened to the boisterous TommyInnit, the one who wasn’t afraid to speak his mind directly to the leader of the land’s face. The only who spoke his thoughts out loud as he thought along to them. 

What happened to that Tommy? Where did he go if this Tommy came here?

At this point none of them could speak, silenced by the utter pain and self deprecation coming from his vocal cords. None of them likes the implications his words have off. It seemed like he had been through too much in the four or five year time difference. His bloodied and torn clothing told there was more to the story than even Tommy had talked about. 

More trauma buried underneath layers and layers of walls Tommy built to protect his mind. The ones that the teleportation had broken. Though the painful words had ended, none of them were sure which was better; words or gut-wrenching sobs that sounded like he had just watched somebody that he really cared for die.

“I just want to go home,” were Tommy’s last words before he buried his face into his knees.

Tommy wanted home, but it wasn’t time to go back.


End file.
